dispensary, and then boasted with pride
that he had his leg well on the ladder, and
that "he'd be on the roof in no time."
Unhappily, however, either ladder or foot gave
way, and through an accident of the
Doctor's refusing to break up a pleasant punch
party at his house to attend a pauper, he
was put out on the cold bleak world, with
wife and children. Then came a long
gap, after which the Doctor came up above
the dirty billows to breathe, having a
private house in Dublin, and the charge
of a genteel lunatic patient. That was
the sort of thing, the Doctor said, after
his own heart. No beggarly peddling
and huckstering about fees, but what he
called "the tendher exploring of the
corridors of the diseased human mind, the
searching through the old bleak lumber
rooms for some precious bit o' rayson gone
astray for years," that surely was a noble
occupation. However, after only ten months
of this Samaritan-like duty, the Doctor
sank with a sudden plunge, deprived of
his patient, his house rent unpaid, his
furniture sold, and he himself and the wife
and children all on the bleak world again.
However, he had made his mark. As he
had said: "he had got on the rails, and
was merely lying by at a siding." He was
now a person of great experience in the
treatment of persons unhappily afflicted in
a certain way; or, as the Doctor put it
with more truth, those who "afflicted their
relatives, and must be taken care of."
Insinuating after his own fashion, "never
throwing away a chance, my boy," never
weary of what he called "scraping
acquaintance," he very soon came up to
breathe, and this time made a little
investment which set him on his legs for
the rest of his life. He had met an old
general who was guardian to some sons of
a wealthy family, and had pleased 'that
officer for a whole night by his spirits,
humorous stories, and, at the end, by the
prescription of "a little dinner pill of his
own," which, through accident or imagination,
had brought comfort to the general's
system. Without being tedious, the Doctor
based some of his anecdotes on apocryphal
patients of weak intellect—giving variety
to his selection, and making them male and
female as the narrative required. When
symptoms of failing intellect began to
exhibit themselves in one of the general's
younger charges, and application was made
to the Court of Chancery for an allowance
to a suitable medical man to travel
with the patient and superintend the cure,
the old general declared with an oath that
no one should have the job but an uncommon
pleasant Irish doctor, who had great
skill in those matters. "Five hundred a
year," and "reasonable allowance for
travellin' expenses," out of which the Doctor,
with a wink, boasted that he had boiled
out the essence "to the tune of one half."
"There was the true 'Stractum Carnis,'
the genuine Liebig, my boy, and the court
as generous and gentlemanly as born
princes!" After two years superintendence
of this agreeable sort, during which time
the Doctor took his patient abroad, and
saw foreign parts most agreeably, the
young man suddenly recovered, but
remained for some time with the Doctor
enjoying the comforts of a home, and the
society of the Doctor's daughters. This, the
Doctor gave out, was ripening into an
uncontrolled passion for Polly, the youngest,
"the poor young fellow having settled
th' intellect I got back for him on the
daughter of the man that did it; a fine
generous-hearted fellow. God forgive those
who put him against me!" Which
happened in this wise: The old general died
suddenly, and there succeeded him in his
office a cold barrister-like man, who came
down to overhaul everything without a
week's delay. He at once held a sort of
commission, examined Doctor Findlater, made
inquiries, and, pronouncing him "a most
unfit and improper selection," removed the
young man. Then it was that, on a
settlement of accounts—which the Doctor took
very indignantly, being much outraged and
insulted in every way—a sort of bond was
produced, regularly drawn up, by which an
annuity of three hundred a year was
formally settled on Doctor Findlater, the
consideration being, as that gentleman said,
"the love and gratitude the poor lad bore
him." It was drawn up with singular skill,
and due regard to the rather awkward
circumstances of the case; and, to use the
Doctor's language, "The Lord Chief
Justice himself couldn't pick a hole in it."
The barrister-like gentleman wrote strong
letters, and spoke to his friends about "a
swindling doctor that should be in the dock
at the Central Criminal Court," but the deed
could not be upset, and the Doctor was to
enjoy his little annuity peaceably. That was
a happy day when all was settled, and
"his little family" came into legal
enjoyment of what the honest labours
of the father had procured, "paid to the day,
my boy, quarterly in advance, with the
usual penalties."